People say “winter is coming” a lot, but no one says “autumn is coming”, because autumn comes without a transition period. Leaves are leaves because leaves leave trees. “Oh, is this a pun, or cum?”
I work for two companies. One company gives me salary, one company gives me something. One company during the day, one company during the night. One company is a real company, one company is a virtual entity. One company sees me as an employee, one company sees me as the only employee. The second company is myself. I am an employee to myself. I employ myself. I am being a master and a slave at the same time.Read more
Let there be light, and there was light. Let there be ass, and there was anus and gas. I am the fart king, I am the cause of global warming. I, the fart king, like elevators. I fart without sound, then I observe people’s reactions. Some people pretend nothing happened, some people start cursing, some people frown, some people smile, some people clench their fists, some people look around. What happens occasionally is that while I think I am farting, but I am actually shitting.Read more
Man: “I’m cuming.” Cum: “I’m coming.” Come: “Oh, come on, what a lame joke.”
Jokers make fun of others. Clowns make fun of themselves. So I am a clown.
“Hey god, what is the meaning of life?” “Who do you think I am?” “You are god.” “What makes you think god knows the meaning of life?” “I thought god knows, you know, life, the universe and everything.” “Sorry, god is a fake cause, a brainless machine, Newton’s Law, Laplace’s demon, $\pi$, $e$, a ruthless dictator, black hole, a toilet, a tampon…” “So god is everything.” “But god doesn’t know everything.Read more
In the silicon-based world, people like overclocking. They use refrigerator, water cool, liquid nitrogen or whatever to cool the CPU, hence increasing the computing power. In the carbon-based world, people like downclocking. They use alcohol as the main ingredient to slow down the brain. Are we too smart? I don’t think so. We are too shy.
If we were to really reduce the carbon footprint of human beings, we need to remove all barbershops and praise being bald. Everyone gets a hair clipper so they can become bald at home. No more energy spent on dyeing, perm or hair drying. The real bald people are happier since they become ordinary people again. Bald billionaires no longer need to waste tons of money seeking a cure for baldness.Read more
Many people think they fear cancer. But when people really get cancer, many of them aren’t as frightened as they thought they would be. Instead, they start to think about questions that haven’t been thinking about, they discover the little treasures in life, they start to develop real relationships, they express their real feelings, they look at the sky and find connections of everything in the universe, they become philosophists.Read more
A siesta is a short nap taken in the early afternoon. Dreams in the afternoon are different than the night ones. They are bright, vivid, colorful yet dry, sad and nostalgic. Dreams in the afternoon also increase the chance of sleep paralysis. Horrible things happen in front of your eyes, yet you can do nothing but watch it. The world is rotating, transforming and collapsing, there is no escape. You get struck by the horror, the memory fades away, then you experience the horror once again.Read more