刍狗狗の小窝

Life is full of hints. Your cat has been hanging out lately. You have a window, your cat sneaks out to have some fun with the grass, wind, cola cans, trees, other cats, dogs, humans, supermarket, police station, train station. The weird thing is that when you come back home, your cat is always in the house. You open the door, your cat jumps to you, meows, follows you around, swings around your calfs, showing the ultimate intimacy.

Had a dream, I was walking on the street, suddenly noticed that Chen Qiushi was walking in front of me, he was discharged. I walked with him for two minutes. Let’s not be prisoners in this real world.

Workout, cold shower, secret garden coloring book, calligraphy, taiji, yoga, meditation, baking, cooking, masturbating, writing a blog post, playing video games, having sex, coding, movie theater, knitting, drinking, gardening, doing laundry, doing dishes, cleaning the house, driving around, smoking, putting make up on the face (another form of drawing), playing musical instruments, solving math problems, browsing amazon, etc. We do all kinds of things to try to stay in the present, to stay sane.

Every time you wake up, you are reborn. Especially when it’s a weird time to wake up, like 2 am, or 10 pm. You feel detached, confused, wondering what is going on around you. You are like a new baby, you are frightened by the environment, you want to cry, but you are too old to cry. You want a protector, but you are alone. The memory gradually fills your consciousness, you are no longer a headless fly.

In epidemiology, the basic reproduction number $R_0$ of an infection can be thought of as the expected number of cases directly generated by one case in a population where all individuals are susceptible to infection. In commonly used infection models, when $R_0 > 1$ the infection will be able to start spreading in a population, but not if $R_0 < 1$. What about politics? The reproduction/spread of an ideology is so similar.

A wasp just came into my room. I was hearing an overwhelming buzz noise, I turned around, found a object flying in my room without any direction. The wasp was huge, I flew (without flying) out the room immediately by instinct. I was able to hear the buzz sound made by the wasp outside the closed door, so I waited and waited, until the sound was gone. Then I opened the door cautiously, the used to be familiar room became a war field, I examined everything with care.

Learnt a word from Russell Brand today, onanism. There are a thousand paths in front of us, which one do we choose? Which one are we currently on? Do we recognize the difference between the dream and reality? If yes, are we trying to minimize the gap? Do we just let the feeling guide us? Is the invisible hand pushing us down the cliff? I don’t think I can go with a permanent path, even in my rather limited life span.

With the coronavirus (COVID-19 they call it) going around, the world is slowing down. Empty streets, empty shopping malls, empty museums, empty restaurants, empty whatever, a quiet world. Two places are still as vibrant as hell, hospitals and supermarkets. And of course, the Internet. Being stuck in my room, I am forced to use my brain from time to time to not get bored. I’ve come up with various questions.

“Dear alien, welcome to earth, sorry, it’s a mess.” “Oh, it’s no problem, I can eradicate all the mess.” “WTF, please don’t!” “Haha, it’s just a joke” “I see, so you are an alien with some sense of humor.” “Of course :)” Then the alien eradicates all the mess on earth, including me :(

It’s running too fast. My brain is running too fast. I am not saying I am smart of any kind. It’s not painful, it’s just boring, boring is worse than painful. Drink some alcohol. Oh time is slowing down! Stupid! If time slows down, you will feel more with the same amount of time. So time is running faster? What is time? I am not drunk, I am just imagining me being drunk.